Oct 8 2016

10 Things Not to Say to Those Who Are Hurting

Rebekyah Brewer
beingthere

It’s tough watching someone you love suffer and being helpless to help them or to know what to say. We always want to do or say something to lessen their pain, to encourage them and to help them. However, our good intentions can go awry and instead of causing less pain, we can increase anothers pain through insensitive words or timing. We have a tendency to say things that naturally come to us in order to comfort those around us. Our words may be true enough and bring comfort to ourselves but the person we are directing them towards may be caused greater additional pain by them instead of being comforted. Our words touch super sensitive areas of the heart that are bruised, wounded, out of joint, unnaturally exposed and bring others tremendous pain unknowingly to us. We walk away smiling and unfortunately leave those hurting behind grimacing from our efforts.

When dealing with the human heart, it takes precision and wisdom of an experienced physician to bring about comfort and healing. It has been said that some of our greatest traumas and battles are not really those we experience outwardly but those we are experiencing inwardly. Our hearts have been inwardly amputated through loss, they are being smothered by the weight of grief, are paralyzed by fear, are sick with anxiety and worry, are burning with anger, are infected with bitterness, are slow moving being clouded with doubts and confusion. Continue reading


Oct 4 2015

It’s Not Fair

Rebekyah Brewer

Tessa4

A year and a half ago, on March 23rd, 2014 my cousin Tessa, age 27, was killed in a head-on collision by a drunk driver as she was on her way home. She died instantly leaving behind 4 surviving children. The criminal case for it ended just last week.

Her death has impacted our entire family greatly, and still impacts us every day with the loss of her laugh, the loss of her voice, the loss of her opinion, the loss of her touch, her hugs. Every day, it still feels like there is something new to be missed and freshly grieved. Every day is full of her absence, in the big things and in the small things.

My husband  and I relocated to Dallas 16 years ago not knowing we had any family in the area.  Approximately 5 years after our move, I was excited to learn I had an Aunt and three young cousins who lived nearby. They were as hungry for family as we were and soon joined our weekly Sunday lunches after church.

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Sep 19 2015

When You Don’t Recognize God

Rebekyah Brewer
North Wind

At the Back of the North Wind

“If you can’t see His way past the tears, trust His heart.” – Charles Spurgeon

It is one thing to have wounds inflicted by an enemy, another by your closest friend. At times I felt betrayed by God in dealing with my cousins death. She was so young. How could He allow this car accident? Why would He allow it? Why didn’t he intervene between her and the drunk driver? If she would have left 15 minutes sooner, if the swerve was just a a few degrees further, she might have walked away. Why God? Why did you allow it?

The enemy laughs. He uses my own heart to taunt me, “Is this your God? Your friend? Your high counselor? Is this who you serve? Is this who you have committed your life to?

Yes” I quietly respond to the assaults. “Though He afflicts me, yet will I trust Him.”

I admit, I am in the dark. I cannot see. I don’t understand why. I don’t know why He allowed this to happen. Over a year later, I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it all. I’ve finally gained enough distance away from that fateful day that I can begin to try to reason again. But I see none.

I try to concentrate and hold on to what I do know. I do know that my God is sovereign.  He is aware. He allowed it. He filtered it. He is all good and all loving. He is perfect in all His ways. He could have prevented the accident, He could have spared her life. Just a few weeks prior he had saved and spared her life from another accident. But not this time. This time for reasons I don’t understand, He took her in an instant, in a twinkling of an eye she was taken and we were left. Her place knew her no more, her home knew her no more, her children knew her no more, her husband knew her no more, her mother knew her no more, her sisters knew her no more, her friends knew her no more and I knew her no more. Her life was gone and we did all we could to gather what was left behind of her, to salvage every precious memory and token unless they would somehow disappear too.  Yet will I trust Him though I do not understand Him or recognize Him in allowing this.

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Sep 8 2010

Rainy Day

Rebekyah Brewer

I am running in slow motion today. My mind feels like a record player with its audio speed settings set too low. All my thoughts are stretched and drawn out. They are so slow that at times it seems as if they stop and come to a complete standstill at times. I catch myself staring off into space and losing track of time.    Simple every day items and tasks that once  took me mere seconds to carry out without a second thought, I’m now tripping over.  It took me 10 minutes just to stuff a single envelope and the small fact that the billing address showed through the little window when I was done was a matter of great triumph to me.

I know I need to move, but every moment seems to take so much thought and so much  concentration that I would rather just sit and stare and let the world move forward without me.  My heart has come to a standstill. And if this is my heart right now, I can only imagine hers. As she goes home to stare at a beautiful empty crib, that has never been used. Stacks of diapers that will never be worn.  Baby bottles and baby clothes that need to be cleaned for the very last time.  My heart breaks as it can only imagine what she is going through and how dark her future must seem.

At least the weather today seems to be oddly appropriate with its torrential downpours that we have been experiencing along with its somber gray skies.  There is some peace and consolation  in the idea that the sun refuses to shine today as if a small piece of the world recognizes there has been a major upheaval within it and someone is missing  from within it. The world may not notice, but I know you notice Father, you know, you care and collect all our tears.  Even as the rain comes to mend the parched and cracked ground from this years hot and dry summer, so also the down pouring of our tears have also been sent by you and are working even now towards  healing and mending our hearts.

Lord, you are a foundation that never moves, no matter how much our world shakes around us.  You alone give us our stability. Strengthen us according to your word and allow the downpours to bring forth healing and new life in your due time instead of a flood of further destruction that sweeps so many others away in such circumstances.  I praise you because it is you who keeps us steady and standing, and not our own strength. You alone sustain and carry the weak and weary providing us with shelter and rest in the midst of our storms.

They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” – Luke 6:48-49