Jul 21 2011

My Testimony

Rebekyah Brewer

I was raised in what is called The Sacred Name Movement.  The only names we could use as we were growing up to refer to “God” or “Jesus” was their Hebrew names “Yahweh or “Yahshua”.  We did not pronounce the titles “God” or “Lord” or the Greek translation of Yahshua, the name “Jesus”  because they were all considered to be of “pagan” origin and were not their real names but inferior titles.  My own name, Rebekyah, which contains the Hebrew name “Yah” is from this origin.

There was something about the Hebrew language that was considered sacred and holy in itself that was subtly emphasized  in this religion. If something could be translated into Hebrew instead of spoken in English or another language it was much more acceptable.  Because of this, among those who are involved in this movement you will still see a lot of words and names  translated into Hebrew and a lot of words avoided if they were believed to have their origins from a pagan origin… as most all other languages were.

In addition to having to pronounce the correct name of God as a condition of salvation, there were various Old Testament Jewish laws and traditions that we also had to keep.  We didn’t eat pork. Our Sabbath was on Saturday on which we did not work, buy or sell but spent most of the day singing and reading the bible except for short breaks when we could play outside. We kept the Old Testament Holy Days, Passover, Feast of Unleavened Bread, Feast of Tabernacles and so on….  We didn’t celebrate the Christian holidays Christmas or Easter.

I can remember as a child my desk being moved outside the classroom door to a corner away from everyone else since I could not participate in such celebrations for Christmas and Easter.  Every once in a while there was another child’s mom, one in particular, who would remember me and would bring me a special cupcake without all the holiday decorations on it, an ordinary coloring page or craft instead of the holiday centered ones and a specially designed bag of candy and goodies just so that I could remain included and not feel so left out and have to leave the room.  Today I am so thankful for her grace and thoughtfulness. Continue reading

Aug 1 2008

The Restored Vase

Rebekyah Brewer

You shine your light
on the walls of my heart
you illuminate the cracks and dust
from years of neglect
your light brings everything into sight
Nothing is hidden from your eyes
Not even my shame for the state my heart is in
You see all the cobwebs and mold that has flourished in the dark
All the fallen chips, collapses and fractures
You step over the weeds of anger and bitterness that threaten to choke me.
I hold my breath in fear,
But you say nothing about the condition my heart is in.
Instead you continue walking closer towards me,
shining your light and examining my heart
inch by inch, you come closer and closer to my core
I am filled with fear and shame
at the presence of my Lord
I am not worthy to be looked upon
by righteousness Himself
But that is no matter to you
You bought me
I am yours

You see every spot where my heart has thinned and weakened
All the gaps and crevices that were never filled
All my vain and futile attempts to fill and cover them on my own.
You silently examine it all.
All the nooks and crannies that I have memories tucked and hidden away in.
All the craters and depressions from where my heart was hit straight on.
You see it all.
All the noises, voices and negative thoughts that still echo through it’s chambers.
All the off hand remarks that stabbed my soul,
You hear it all.
I hold my breath
Your eyes turn to see my wounds.
All the wounds that I protected and kept hidden.
All my hurts that cause me to lash out and withdraw from others
to protect myself from ever being touched again.
Even now as you look at them, I flinch and draw away.
In fear and shame I just want to hide.
But gently you move my hands aside,
And you touch it all
You touch the very core of my heart
with your warm love
and tender grace
You stare lovingly down into my face
Your light poured into my cold,  dark empty soul
Filling every crack with yourself
Until my heart overflowed

I cannot contain you
The heavens, the highest of heavens cannot contain you
How much less this heart where you have came to dwell?

Once I was an empty, broken castaway
A rebellious, unwanted runaway
But You Jesus have claimed me for yourself
And placed me in the heavens safe on your high shelf
You have given me a permanent place to stay
And filled me with the richness of yourself
Who ever knew that one day, I would hold such wealth?